I am what I am

Lister: Wasn't it Descartes who said "I am what I am".


Rimmer: No it was Popeye the Sailor Man.



Actually Popeye and Descartes were both beat by at least 1500 years. And I know, as certain Philosophy majors are sure to point out, that Descarte actually said "I think therefore I am".

So on Thursday night I had the good fortune of having dinner at some friends house who I hadn't seen for a long time. After Dinner we had Family devotions and their 8 year old son recited 1 Corinthians 15: 1-11 ( He did a pretty good job). As I was sitting there grateful and impressed to be with this family who were consistently raising there three children in the fear and admonition of the Lord I was struck by the words of Saint Paul: "But by the grace of God I am what I am."

In the previous two verses he has made a case for his unworthiness. That is why our risen Lord apeared to him last. As though he had been born too late. Paul was unworthy to be called an Apostle because he perscuted the church of God. The humility of Paul is what struck me and urged me to meditate on my own unworthiness.

I was the worst child in my family. I caused great grief to my Mother and Father who I aught to have treated with all honor. It was true of me as the Proverb says that, "a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother." And in my youth though I was blessed immensely with health, life, food, shleter, and oppurtunities for education. Though I had been baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, and was as such a member of the Covenant of Grace, and had been given some some instruction in the Holy Scriptures and had access to read them whenever I wished. Though God had poured out these rich blessings upon me. I did not receive all of these and my very life with gratitude and live it rightly in sevice to the giver of all good things. But rather I sought the destruction of my life through vain pleasure and considered as glorious and praise worthy men who had totally destroyed their lives by sin and taken this destruction to its end. And I did at this time have thoughts of God, but my thoughts were so perverse and balsphemous, considering myself as all important in God's universe, that I could have justly incurred the wrath of God at that time. I was so pufffed up as to think of my foolish ideas and Philosophies as enlightened and superior to that of any Christian or Pagan thinker. And upon coming of age I made an utter ruin of my life by sin almost as quickly as humanly possible. And furthermore in my youth and through young adulthood I was given to fits of wrath. So that I terribly burst forth in tantrum when my circumstances did not please me. Such an ungrateful and perveerse a creature I was that I in great measure ruined all of the good blessings the Lord had given me and certainly would have completed this work were it not for the Grace of God.

Furthermore not only in my past, but even currently as I have been translated into the Kingdom of his dear Son I am still so ungrateful and full of sin. That I often negelct and consider of little importance those duties of prayer, worhsip, and meditation that are of most importance. That I prefer Idol entertainments that sow to the flesh. My heart is so desiring to go after useles pleasures that I'm like Rachel the rat who methodically and continually sniffs and paws at every door, hinge, or bar so that if at all possible she may free herself from her cage. So my heart searches for an opening to escape the glorious feast I have in Christ and flee away to to the broken cisterns of the the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. So I confess without qualification with the same Apostle Paul that, "I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh." Rom 7:18. I am certainly unworthy to be called a child of God. In fact I'm plainly unworthy of even the common blessings that he gives to me like beholding the beuty of the sunrise through the clouds this morning I saw from the 101 South on the Peninsula, and all the other good gifts of this life.

But like Paul after confessing my unworthiness I can not deny: But by the grace of God I am what I am. Paul was something. It was undeniably all of Grace as Paul continued to confess in this same verse, "I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me." Though it was all by grace it was still an undeniable fact that Paul was a true child of God and not only that but that he was an Apostle. He was the Apostle to the Gentiles on whose labor the New Testament Church, for the most part, was founded and grew.

And I agree with Paul that by the Grace of God I actually am something. Not that my works are at all comparable to his of course. It has been given to me to be a son of the Living God. I can not deny that I have this gift. That my troubled soul has been comforted by the promises of our Lord, " I will not leave you as orphans;I will come to you" (John 14:18) and many other promises. I can not deny that he has given me hope. I can not deny that he has given me some ability to know Jesus Christ and some ability to understand his revelation in Scripture. That this has been given to me is quite remarkable. I have observed others who in worldy wisdom and learning are as much or more accomplished than myself who can not comprehend the Scriptures at all. That even if they read or hear them come away with no knowledge or think of them to have some small and strange meanings and are incapable of beholding the the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Cor 4:6) These are those who the Apostle refers to as natural men (1 Cor 2:14). I can not deny that I have been saved from among their number and made a Spiritual man.

Why has this grace been given to me? Certainly not, as has been attested to above, due to any good in me. It was not that I of my own strangth and will pulled myself up by my bootstraps, so to speak, and turned my life around. No but we are clearly told why: But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. (1Cor 1:27-29). God chooses foolish sons and Persecuting Pharisees so that they may never forget that it is all of Grace and so that the world may know it is by His Choice, His Grace, and His Power.

The style of this post I think has been somewhat effected by my recent listening habits. I've been listening to some Jonathon Edwards Sermons on my MP3 Player that I downloaded free off of Sermon audio: http://www.sermonaudio.com/search.asp?SpeakerOnly=true&currSection=sermonsspeaker&keyword=Jonathan%5EEdwards

All of his messages seem to follow this pattern make a point, have few sub points, give like 11 arguments to suppoert each sub point. This makes for long sermons, long posts, and convicting car rides. That is of course not Jonathon Edwards the Socialist Presidential candidate, but that Puritan Pastor Jonathon Edwards who God worked through in the Great awakening.

Hmmm... Great awakening. My sleep hasn't been that great.